I never expected to graduate in the middle of a pandemic.
While graduating from university was an exciting and liberating experience for me—as it is for all graduates, I’m sure—it left me with many fears and insecurities as well.
What made it worse was that despite graduating in the middle of a crisis, my classmates successfully found jobs one after another—while I wasn’t able to secure a single job interview. While I was happy for my friends, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of anxiety towards my own circumstances. My friends were ready to enter a new chapter of their lives, but I was unable to catch up with them. I felt like a failure.
As a Christian, I knew that the right thing to do was to trust that God would provide for me in His own good time. But while I knew this in my head, it did not match what I truly felt in my heart.
If I had to describe my feelings, I would say that this season reminded me of the time Jesus’ disciples experienced a storm in the Sea of Galilee, in Mark 4:35–41. I, too, felt like I was going through a metaphorical storm in my life.
Just as the disciples cried out, “Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?”, when they saw Jesus asleep during the storm (v. 38), I would often cry out in frustration, “Jesus, don’t You care about me?”
I felt that Jesus was not giving me any answers in my job hunt, as worry after worry plagued my mind. Would I be able to find a job at all, during this period when the economy was not doing well? Would I ever be able to match up to my friends who had already started working?
As I read and reflected on Mark 4:35–41, however, it felt as if God was personally speaking to me through Jesus’ response to the disciples: “Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?” (v. 40). After these words, He immediately calmed the storm, showing that He had total power and control over their circumstances—all they had to do was to trust Him.
I realised that I was still harbouring doubts about God’s goodness even though He had never failed to provide for me in the past. I had allowed my own insecurities to cloud the truth of His sovereignty and power working in my life.
I also learnt about how God was refining my faith through this journey. The process of waiting showed me that the peace and joy I had sought after—regardless of my circumstances—was not something that could be achieved overnight.
Rather, having to go through this rocky season allowed me to learn to rely on God more, and to deepen my understanding of Him.
In this season of waiting, I had cultivated the habit of spending time with the Lord every day. I knew that He was the only one I could turn to for comfort and strength during this period. This was something that I struggled to do ever since I entered university, as I was always “too busy” to talk to God.
Looking back, if I had entered the workforce earlier, I might have been “too busy” with work, too. As I continued to wait on the Lord, I came to realise that He was leading me back to Him as I overcame the inertia of setting aside time for Him every day.
Thankfully, with the Lord’s help, I managed to brave through this stormy period. He remained patient and gracious with me as I struggled through the wait.
After 7 months of sending in applications and attending interviews, God eventually answered my prayers for a full-time job.
Although I know that this will probably not be the last storm I will experience in life, my greatest takeaway is learning that the most important thing is not to look at the storm, but the One who stills the storm.
Dear Lord, I do not know what lies ahead,
but I know that You are the One who holds my future.
Help me to remember Your faithfulness and
how You have carried me thus far in my life.
I surrender my future into Your almighty hands,
knowing that You will provide for me more than sufficiently.