Seized by an urgency to reach out to her elderly parents, a writer wrestles with doubts over her efforts and God’s heart.
Chen Pei Fen
My father was losing his mind. There were days when he looked at us blankly, not registering what we were saying to him. We knew that as a Parkinson’s disease patient, Dad could eventually develop dementia as the disease progresses. Which made us extra worried: What if Dad lost his cognitive ability to respond to the gospel? Where would he spend eternity?
Time, I knew, was running out. Yet, I hesitated.
Dad won’t listen to me, I reasoned. Though I had tried my best to be a good testimony at home, I knew I had fallen short. Dad had seen the worst of me—when I lost my temper, and when I had not always been the filial daughter that I should have been.
Anyway, Dad won’t be easily persuaded, I thought. A self-made man, he had come to work in Singapore all by himself when he was just a teenager, and had eventually become a successful businessman. Having been self-reliant all his life, it was not easy to show him that he actually needed God. It would have been near impossible for me to tell him a thing or two about how to live life—he probably believed he had “eaten more salt” than I had rice.
So, I did the only thing I knew I could do—pray.
Perhaps, however, that is one of the most important things we can do when we are seeking the salvation of family and friends.
Perhaps, like me, you are still wondering: Will my loved ones come to know God? Will they believe in Jesus and be saved?
These were questions Jesus had addressed when He was commenting on a rich man whose wealth stood in the way of salvation. After He said that “it is hard for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of heaven”, His disciples had naturally asked: “Who then can be saved?” (Matthew 19:23–25)
That’s when Jesus gave this reply that encouraged me:
“With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible”
(v. 26).
When we pray, we are asking the God who can do the impossible to make it possible. Our God delights to save, for that was His very purpose in sending His Son to die on the cross—for you, for me, and for our loved ones.
Still, knowing that didn’t always make it easy. Regretfully, I wasn’t always faithful in my prayer for my dad. Time and again, I need to be reminded to keep praying, which made me wonder: Will God save my dad even though I haven’t been praying for him consistently?
There were also times when I was also filled with doubt: Is prayer enough? Should I be more earnest in sharing the gospel with him?
Perhaps, you, too, feel the weight of an impossible burden in drawing your loved ones to Christ. Perhaps you feel the guilt of not being consistent in your prayers for them. Or, you feel the pressure to bring Christ into every conversation and interaction with them.
That’s certainly how I felt. Yet, over time, I came to recognise that while I should try my very best to find creative means to bring the gospel to my dad, pray for his salvation, and be a good testimony, ultimately, it was his personal decision to receive Jesus as Lord of his life.
I also took comfort in another biblical truth—that “salvation and glory and power belongs to our God” (Revelation 19:1). God can save despite our failures and weaknesses. He is not limited by our actions and inactions. He will have His own ways of drawing people to Him, in His own time.
This truth gave me great assurance whenever I struggled with this question: What if, after all my praying and attempts to share the gospel, Dad still refused to put his faith in Christ, even at his deathbed?
When confronted with confounding situations like these, many of us like to quote Isaiah 55:8–9 to comfort ourselves:
“For my thoughts are
not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the LORD.
“As the heavens are higher than
the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.”
“For my thoughts are not
your thoughts,
neither are your ways
my ways,”
declares the LORD.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher
than your ways
and my thoughts than
your thoughts.”
We tell ourselves that as finite creatures, we wouldn’t be able to grasp the mind of the infinite Creator, so we should just accept God’s mysterious ways.
However, if we were to take a closer look at the context of this verse, we will see that Isaiah 55 is not really talking about God’s incomprehensible ways. Rather, God is telling us that our view of His love and compassion is way too small. Verses 6–7 say:
Seek the LORD while he may be found;
call on him while he is near.
Let the wicked forsake their ways
and the unrighteous their thoughts.
Let them turn to the LORD, and he will have mercy on them, and to our God, for he will freely pardon.
Seek the LORD while he
may be found;
call on him while he is near.
Let the wicked forsake
their ways
and the unrighteous
their thoughts.
Let them turn to the LORD, and he will have mercy on them, and to our God, for he will freely pardon.
Read in this context, Isaiah 55:8–9 is not just an explanation for what we can’t understand; rather, it is speaking of God’s compassionate heart.
Christian author Dane Ortlund explains it this way in his book Gentle and Lowly: “God’s ways and thoughts are not our ways and thoughts in that his are thoughts of love and ways of compassion that stretch to a degree beyond our mental horizon.”
In other words, God is infinitely more compassionate and desirous to save than we think He is. He wants to show mercy. He desires to freely pardon.
Ortlund adds of God: “He isn’t like you. Even the most intense of human love is but the faintest echo of heaven’s cascading abundance. His heartful thoughts for you [and your loved ones] outstrip what you can conceive.”
What this means for us is that we can trust God’s love and compassion. He is good—really good. God wants to show mercy and desires to freely pardon our loved ones of their sins.
And, He can also change the way we approach evangelism.
Understanding this was hugely comforting to me as I considered my dad and family members who had yet to know Christ. Knowing that I could shift my focus from my efforts and actions to God’s saving power, I knew that I could simply . . .
. . . Reach out to my loved ones courageously and share with them the saving knowledge of Christ.
. . . Rest in the power and love of the One who is able to save us all.
. . . Rejoice in God, regardless of the outcome.
All these happened many years ago; last December, I witnessed the saving power of God. At 78 years old, my dad finally declared his faith in Christ, and was baptised along with my mum.
I hope that this testimony will encourage you to keep on praying and bringing the good news of Christ to your loved ones. Remember:
God is good—really good.
Read Keeping The Faith: The Cost of Following Christ to find out how Chen Pei Fen dealt with her family’s response when she became the first Christian at home.
Chen Pei Fen has written for Our Daily Bread devotional. She desires “to write so that readers will see how presently alive the BIble is and will respond to the life-transforming power of the Word.”
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