Some Christians wrestle with surrendering their plans and ambitions to God. A writer shares what she learnt from the struggle—and her unwillingness to give up control of her life.
Eliza Tan
Yuli’s confession, given out of the blue during a former classmate’s church wedding, caught me off guard. An intelligent and thinking person, she had always responded to my invitations to attend Good Friday and Christmas services at my church. But her response to the gospel had always been lukewarm. Or so I thought.
“I don’t want to just dip my toes into Christianity,” Yuli continued to explain. “If I were to become a believer, it would be when I’m ready to give up control. Then I’ll have both feet in.”
I didn’t know how to respond. I wish I could tell Yuli that I had given up control of my own life to God, and she could, too.
But I couldn’t. Because I am still struggling to give up control of my life to God today.
Yuli’s words continued to make me think of my own struggle to yield to God. Perhaps my friend understands Jesus’ requirements for following Him better than I do. As someone who proclaims to follow Jesus, I know I’m not merely to call Him “Lord”, but I’m to submit to Him as the Lord of my life.
But, truth be told, the idea of submitting and surrendering to God makes me nervous.
In a world filled with unpredictability and threats, it is only natural that human beings seek control, which gives them a much-needed sense of certainty and safety.
In a world filled with unpredictability and threats, it is only natural that human beings seek control, which gives them a much-needed sense of certainty and safety.
This desire for control is an age-old issue, explains Sharon Hodde Miller, author of The Cost of Control.
We first see hints of this desire in the Garden of Eden. Adam and Eve were created in the image of God, but they believed the devil that they could really be like God. They defied their Creator and ate the forbidden fruit, believing that it would give them knowledge of good and evil (Genesis 3:5).
They thought that “any gap in the knowledge, any boundary on our power, or any limitation on our choice is something to fear, challenge, and resist,” writes Miller.
The world’s first humans rebelled against their limitations by “claiming insight that has not been given and asserting control that we do not possess,” she adds. But their pursuit of a certain and safe future as their own gods backfired.
We can also see the illusion of control in the way people adhere to certain rituals or superstitions.
Many people seek ways to influence the outcome of something that is inherently beyond their control.
Yet, as these examples show us, control—which Miller defines as “the power to influence the world around us and the sense of empowerment that gives us”—can be easily overestimated. We actually have a lot less control over our lives than we think.
If I were to be honest with myself, my resistance to surrender to God likely stems from a fear that things would not turn out the way I want or expect. I would like to think that I know what’s best for myself.
To put it
bluntly,
I want
to be
my own
god.
To put it
bluntly,
I want
to be
my own
god.
Ultimately, it is an expression of self-will, no different from what Adam and Eve expressed in the Garden of Eden.
Yet, I would be deceiving myself if I thought I could actually control all of my life. As Jeremiah 10:23 observes: “LORD, I know that people’s lives are not their own; it is not for them to direct their steps.” Proverbs 16:9 identifies this “director”: “In their hearts humans plan their course, but the LORD establishes their steps.”
James 4:13–17 corrects a man with an illusion of control: “Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life?” James then provides a cure for the delusion, pointing to the One who’s in absolute control: “Instead, you ought to say, ‘If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that’.”
These few verses aptly summarise both a key failing of the human condition and its antidote:
It is God’s will,
not our efforts,
that keeps us alive
and safe.
It is God’s will,
not our efforts,
that keeps us alive
and safe.
The willingness to surrender to God requires a knowledge not only of God’s sovereignty but also of His other attributes. Lewis Sperry Chafer, a former president of Dallas Seminary, offers three reasons for why we should fully surrender our lives to God:
“Therefore the most logical thing I can do is surrender my life to God,” Chafer concluded. “What more can I say? What more need I say?”
The question that I need to answer myself is, can I trust this God revealed to me through His Word and in my everyday life? Ultimately, it is a matter of faith, which grows from a living, personal relationship with God. I need to pray: Help me to trust You more, Lord!
According to Miller, the alternative to our desire for control is
“agency”—the power to influence ourselves and our circumstances.
Agency was God’s gift to Adam and Eve, notes Miller. “While they did not possess unlimited freedom, knowledge, or power, they did have free will and influence. They partnered with God in bringing order out of chaos and exercising dominion over the world. They were neither all-powerful nor powerless.”
Agency is also given to all of us. It enables us to operate within God’s limits, acknowledging our partnership with God while submitting to the order of creation. Philippians 2:12–13 describes this partnership well: we work out our salvation with fear and trembling, while God works in us to desire and do what pleases Him.
Some cynics think that giving up control to God means throwing up our hands into the air, sitting back, and doing nothing. Perhaps that’s why some struggle to do so. But that’s not what giving control to God looks like. The laws of nature still apply; we still need to act.
Study diligently for your exams, and you’ll probably do well. Invest in a relationship, and you’ll likely grow closer to that person. Watch your diet, and your cholesterol levels may come down. While we cannot guarantee the results, some outcomes in life are directly influenced by our behaviour and actions.
Those who firmly believe that their actions are responsible for what happens in their lives are said to have a strong internal locus of change. This is not contradictory to exercising our God-given agency.
Giving up control to
God doesn’t limit
our ability to act.
Giving up control to
God doesn’t limit
our ability to act.
With agency, we can plan, prepare, perform diligently, and live a well-ordered life within physical rhythms and moral boundaries. For example, if I want to find a new job, I can (and should) pray for open doors as I send out resumes and attend interviews. And I can commit and entrust the outcome to God.
But if I were to think about the job change disproportionately, without praying and partnering God to create opportunities, that would be refusing to give control to God. Or, if I were to simply wait for someone to contact me to offer a job and passively watch life pass me by, then I would be neglecting the agency for change in my life.
Perhaps this combination of faith and agency is best captured in theologian J. I. Packer’s quote:
“The Christian’s motto should not be ‘Let go and let God’ but
We must be wise and recognise God’s control; at the same time, we also need to plan and live responsibly.
Because of my sinful nature, my struggle with giving up control to God will likely continue. By the grace of God, however, I believe my grip on control will loosen as I witness His goodness to me and learn to trust Him more.
And one day, I would like to tell Yuli:
Although Eliza Tan eats to live rather than lives to eat, she still enjoys her food and wholeheartedly agrees with Ecclesiastes 3:13, “That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God.”
More On
