Do you feel inadequate or inferior? One writer shares her struggle with insecurity, and how her journey to being rooted in her identity in Christ has helped her.
By Chia Poh Fang
Hannah’s career as a senior brand consultant was on the rise. In her late 20s, she was already clinching million-dollar accounts at the advertising agency where she worked. At church, she was a deaconess, overseeing Christian education classes. It helped that she was slim and tall, and had a notable presence; her hair was always just the way she wanted it.
She was, by most standards in Singapore, a picture of success.
Yet, few people around her knew that she struggled with a constant feeling of
insecurity.
insecurity.
She was always afraid of making mistakes that would shatter her carefully-managed image of perfection. She was always afraid that others would find out that she was not as good as she appeared to be. She held herself to high and exacting standards in all she did, out of fear that people would not accept her otherwise. But all this was tiring and stressful.
Maybe you know how Hannah felt. I do: Hannah was actually me—15 years ago.
I’ve often wondered where my insecurities came from. Perhaps it was growing up as a middle child. As a third child in a family of four kids, I didn’t get as much attention as my oldest and youngest sisters did—or so I felt. My brother, the only son and second child, also appeared to be favoured over the girls in our traditional Chinese family.
It didn’t help that my twin sister was sanguine by nature, whereas I was more melancholic. When we were growing up, relatives and neighbours frequently compared our looks, our grades, and so on; my sister was the smarter one—and taller too.
I believe all these prompted me to compensate for my perceived lack in qualities by trying to be better. Whether it was in sports or in my studies, I was always trying to earn brownie points, to show others that I was just as good as my siblings, if not better.
Even after I came to the Christian faith in my teens, I continued to struggle with insecurity. My new identity in Christ, it seemed at first, didn’t take away my fears of inadequacy and the pressure to measure up to others.
But, I now have a different way of confronting these feelings.
My Identity in Christ
The first thing I’ve learnt that has helped with my insecurity is this: through faith in Christ, I am now a child of God (John 1:12).
This means that I’m loved by God not because of my looks, my accomplishments, or my behaviour, but simply because
I am His child.
I am
His child.
God loves me as a perfect father would love His child.
Romans 8:38–39 is one of my favourite passages in the Bible, for it gives me assurance that takes my shaky insecurity away and places me on solid ground: “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
In other words, my identity as God’s dearly loved child is totally secure. Nothing can change that. Absolutely nothing.
As God’s child, not only am I dearly loved, my future is also secure and certain.
No matter what I do or don’t do, I have a place in my Father’s house because I’m God’s child. I can look at my failures and say: I’m not any less accepted by God because of what I can’t do; I’m God’s child all because of Jesus. I’m not crushed. And I can look at my success and say: I’m not any more accepted by God because of what I can do; I’m God’s child only because of Jesus.
It is one thing, however, to know something; truly experiencing its reality is a different matter altogether.
Fully understanding our true identity in Christ is a journey that takes time.
But I know that God will gladly walk with us to help us understand and appreciate the depth, width, breadth, and height of being His child. It’s a journey I’m still taking, decades after becoming God’s child.
Allowing That Identity to Sink In
I became a child of God when I was 15 years old. When I entered my 20s, I continued to grapple with this new identity as I learnt to allow it to renew my mind and shape my emotions and behaviour. Now, in my 40s, this identity is still sinking in.
Even today, there are days when I forget that I’m a child of God, and I let my insecurities drive me to start striving to do and be more. The tell-tale signs are rather obvious: I will fret more, worried that I’m not doing enough; I will get hurt, discouraged, or offended easily by people’s remarks. I will become hyper-sensitive.
There are also days when these lies still bother me:
These are days when I become very inward-looking, and forget the truth that Christ is doing His work in me and through me at home, at work, in church, and wherever I am.
Yet, in these moments, time and time again, God comforts me. Through His Word and prayer, or through a sermon, a song, a friend, or a social media post, God whispers to me:
Hush. Be still. You are my child, and I love you.
Perhaps you, too, struggle with insecurity. Perhaps there are days when you feel inadequate, inferior, or like you’re a failure. During these moments when insecurity rears its ugly head, can I encourage you to remember an unshakeable truth?
It is this: by His grace, God has made us His child. We are always His, no matter what we can or cannot do. By His grace, He will help us to be rooted in that identity—dearly loved, now and for ever.
Chia Poh Fang never dreamed of being in a language-related profession; chemistry was her first love. The turning point came when she received Jesus as her Saviour as a 15-year-old and expressed to Jesus that she would like to create books that touch lives. She serves with Our Daily Bread Ministries at the Singapore office as National Director.
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