In a time when advice is freely available, how do we know what feedback to listen to—and to ignore?
Robert M. Solomon
Feedback and advice come from all kinds of people.
There are those who do not really know what they are talking about. They offer careless advice, perhaps conventional wisdom that is unhelpful to you in your given situation.
There are others who do not really care about you when they offer their advice.
Yet there are also those who love you and offer well-meaning advice, but their advice can sometimes be wrong.
And, of course, there are those few who are really wise, care about you, and offer carefully considered advice that is immensely helpful to you.
How do we know which is which?
If we accept all feedback without exercising discernment, we could be taken for a ride and led down the wrong path.
Yet, some of us find it hard to reject certain feedback. We have a strong urge to please others, or we fear that they may disapprove or reject us. So we end up living fragmented and confused lives.
Then there are those—perhaps most of us—who like to hear the good things. We like to be commended, but hate it when we are criticised.
A Tale of Two Kings
A story I heard many years ago, and now re-told in my own words:
There were once two kings of neighbouring kingdoms who were very good friends. There was peace between their kingdoms, which prospered because of the wisdom, friendship, and goodwill of the kings.
Then one of the kings died suddenly and was succeeded by his young son, who was not as wise as his father. This young man dismissed his father’s advisers and gathered around himself his own friends, men of his age.
Unfortunately, his young advisors gave him the wrong advice. They urged the young king to wage war against the neighbouring country to put that country and its old king in their proper place.
The foolish young king declared war and attempted to conquer the neighbouring country and bring it into subjection. Not surprisingly, because he was ill-prepared and took an ill-considered decision, he lost the battle and was captured by the army of the neighbouring country.
He was brought to the palace of the old wise king, his late father’s good friend. The old king looked at the young man pitifully and told him that he rightly should have him executed, but because of his friendship with the young man’s father, he would give him a chance.
He set before the foolish young man a task which had life and death consequences. He told the young man, “You will walk along the entire length of the main street in my capital. You will be given a bowl filled to the brim with water. You are to carry it from one end of the street to the other end without spilling any drop of water.
“There will be an executioner who will walk just in front of you with a raised sword. If you spill even a single drop of water on the street, the executioner’s sword will come down and you will lose your life immediately. But if you manage to complete the task without spilling any water, your life will be spared.”
Realising the seriousness of the situation, the young man kept his focus on the task. Though shivering with fear, he kept a steady hand, for his life depended on it.
There were people lining both sides of the street. On one side they were jeering at him, while on the other side, the people were kinder and cheering him on.
Fortunately for him, the executioner did not have to show off his skills that day, for the young man finished the trial without spilling water or blood. He cried with relief and gratitude.
When he was brought to the old king, the old man asked him how he felt. The young man thanked the king for his kindness and told him that he finished the task successfully because he had concentrated on it.
“Then learn from this, young man,” the king said. “Your life must be lived responsibly. You must concentrate on what you are supposed to do. You have to rule your people with justice and compassion. Don’t listen to every advice offered to you. Choose your advisors carefully. Don’t fall prey to flattery, neither be unduly affected by unfair criticism.
“Know yourself and be faithful to your calling.”
A Tale of Two Kings
A story I heard many years ago, and now re-told in my own words:
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There were once two kings of neighbouring kingdoms who were very good friends. There was peace between their kingdoms, which prospered because of the wisdom, friendship, and goodwill of the kings.
Then one of the kings died suddenly and was succeeded by his young son, who was not as wise as his father. This young man dismissed his father’s advisers and gathered around himself his own friends, men of his age.
Unfortunately, his young advisors gave him the wrong advice. They urged the young king to wage war against the neighbouring country to put that country and its old king in their proper place.
The foolish young king declared war and attempted to conquer the neighbouring country and bring it into subjection. Not surprisingly, because he was ill-prepared and took an ill-considered decision, he lost the battle and was captured by the army of the neighbouring country.
He was brought to the palace of the old wise king, his late father’s good friend. The old king looked at the young man pitifully and told him that he rightly should have him executed, but because of his friendship with the young man’s father, he would give him a chance.
He set before the foolish young man a task which had life and death consequences. He told the young man, “You will walk along the entire length of the main street in my capital. You will be given a bowl filled to the brim with water. You are to carry it from one end of the street to the other end without spilling any drop of water.
“There will be an executioner who will walk just in front of you with a raised sword. If you spill even a single drop of water on the street, the executioner’s sword will come down and you will lose your life immediately. But if you manage to complete the task without spilling any water, your life will be spared.”
Realising the seriousness of the situation, the young man kept his focus on the task. Though shivering with fear, he kept a steady hand, for his life depended on it.
There were people lining both sides of the street. On one side they were jeering at him, while on the other side, the people were kinder and cheering him on.
Fortunately for him, the executioner did not have to show off his skills that day, for the young man finished the trial without spilling water or blood. He cried with relief and gratitude.
When he was brought to the old king, the old man asked him how he felt. The young man thanked the king for his kindness and told him that he finished the task successfully because he had concentrated on it.
“Then learn from this, young man,” the king said. “Your life must be lived responsibly. You must concentrate on what you are supposed to do. You have to rule your people with justice and compassion. Don’t listen to every advice offered to you. Choose your advisors carefully. Don’t fall prey to flattery, neither be unduly affected by unfair criticism.
“Know yourself and be faithful to your calling.”
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This is the rare kind of advice that is good. Puritan writer Thomas Brooks echoes this wisdom when he wrote: “Where one thousand are destroyed by the world’s frowns, ten thousand are destroyed by the world’s smiles. The world, siren-like, sings us and sinks us.”
Life is too precious to waste away on bad advice. The problem that many people face is that because of a poverty of their inner lives, they often end up as puppets of external forces and voices. Even the voices they hear inside are those of others around them.
An ongoing relationship with God will help us to hear His voice within us. This inner voice is the only authentic voice that will guide us in life. It is a voice that will help us to judge all other voices.
In contrast, our own voice is often faulty. Because we are driven by our own sinful desires and ambitions, we often end up deceiving ourselves. Psychologists call this a defence mechanism which we use to deny our own duplicities and problems. The Bible calls this self-deception. As Jeremiah 17:9 observes: “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?”
The only voice that can help us, therefore, is the divine voice that can be heard within us if we open our lives to God. Indeed,
Yet, there are many voices around us that can crowd out God’s voice.
There are “expert voices” that tell us that our lives have only material reality. “Eat, drink and be merry,” they say.
There are others who urge us to pursue health, but only our physical health. They have nothing to say about our spiritual health, and we end up having, as English author Os Guinness put it, “firm bodies and fat minds”. And many urge us to “just do it” or to “obey your thirst”.
Our social environment is full of confusing noises, and if we do not have a wise inner voice, we will soon succumb to the seductive voices that threaten our inner health, causing our lives to be fragmented. We will end up making foolish decisions on our life journey.
Like Paul, we need to give full attention to the divine voice, and not to our own nor that of society. The voice of self is tainted with self-deception and fallen nature. The voice of society is confusing, and is often but an echo of the many voices of deceiving and deceived selves.
We all need to hear a voice that transcends us and our society. This voice will expose the regular folly of self and society. It will help us to rise above personal gratification and social convention. Without this voice, those who want to deny personal gratification will end up in the prison of social convention. And those who want to resist social convention will become prisoners of personal gratification, victims of their own addictions.
If we want to run the race that really matters, we will need an inner divine voice to guide us. This is a transcendent voice that rises above self and society. It makes the difference between folly and wisdom, entertaining self or pleasing others, and running the race with folly or completing the journey with dignity.
Proverbs 17:24 reminds us that:
Which will we be—a discerning person or a fool? Let’s not turn the world into an audience, for if we do, we will end up as nothing but a performer. Nor let us not follow our own unchecked desires and self-deceiving thoughts, for without any guidance from above, we will get lost in the maze of our own making.
Instead, let us live for the audience of One and learn to live in His presence, so as to be a true pilgrim that travels wisely down the path of life.
Extracted with permission from The Race © Discovery House Publishing.
Robert M. Solomon is a well-known preacher and Bible teacher in Singapore and abroad. Drawing from his extensive ministry and faithful study of God’s Word, he has written more than 50 books on faithful Christian living, spiritual leadership, Bible study, and many other topics.
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