Acne shook this writer’s confidence and self-worth, prompting him to confront what was in his heart.

Marcus Goh

Growing up, my family placed great emphasis on first impressions.

Leaving a good and lasting impression on others was crucial. Manners and personal grooming reflected my upbringing, so I had to look presentable.

It made me believe that the way I looked was important, and that this was almost all that mattered.

It wasn’t that this point of view had no truth at all, but I was oblivious to my obsession with looks and impressions. The truth was that I had another problem, and God was about to use my obsession to address that problem deeply rooted inside me.

At the peak of my unhealthy fixation on looks as a young adult, I developed severe acne.

It started out slow, a small but persistent issue I paid little attention to, thinking that proper facial care and extra rest would make it go away on its own.

But I was wrong—my skin condition rapidly worsened, and I began to feel increasingly distressed. I visited clinics, consulted dermatologists, and tried new facial products, but there was no progress or improvement.

The acne spread up my cheeks and forehead at an alarming pace. My face looked red and puffy. The acne left scars too, the result of the many breakouts I experienced in just six months. My mirror of self-assurance cracked and my self-confidence collapsed.

I slipped into depressive mood swings and stopped making eye contact when talking to people. I preferred to stay home and retreat into my bubble of self-pity—and I told no one about my problems.

I was a total mess on the inside, but did whatever I could to seem fine on the outside.

Things came to a breaking point at an evening church service. I knelt at my seat, crying and asking God for an explanation. I couldn’t understand why this was happening to me and had no hope left for my situation.

But God was not about to leave me in this hapless state. He prompted me instead to read

As I read the verse, I took comfort in the way God saw me. He viewed me as His child—not because of my outward appearance, but because of what was on the inside.

As the verse tugged at me, I wondered:

It didn’t take me long to excavate what lay deep within:

I had become overconfident in the impressions I gave others through my outward appearance and achievements, things that had often attracted the attention of others.

All the attention made me feel good, and soon I grew fond of collecting all kinds of compliments, and deriving satisfaction from positive remarks. Subconsciously I had become more judgmental too.

As I was confronted by the mounting evidence of my self-centred behaviour, I realised that I needed to purge all my pride from my life.

God detests pride. We learn that from the book of Proverbs, where wise sayings about pride and humility are scattered from beginning to end (see 16:18; 21:4). The writer C.S. Lewis explains the seriousness of pride and its consequences:

My encounter with acne was incredibly humbling. God used it to purge my pride, gradually, layer by layer. My self-sufficiency had to go, and so too my judgmental attitude. God taught me that the security I found in my looks and abilities was merely a façade—short-lived when put through the fire.

Naked I came from my mother’s womb,
and naked I shall depart.
The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away;
may the name of the LORD be praised.
(Job 1:20–21)

Pride forms the mindset that everything we achieve comes solely from our own efforts. It deludes and prevents us from recognising that God is the source of all good things.

Through my ordeal, I caught a glimpse of what the biblical figure of Job understood:

This wasn’t just a time of painful purgation, it was also a time of healing. God tore down my ideas of self-worth and replaced them with His own perspective of my self-worth in Him.

He is neither interested in my accolades, nor does He judge me based on my outward appearance. He has already demonstrated His love for me by sending His blameless Son to die on the cross for my wrongdoings.

God’s relentless love revealed a simple truth to me:

regardless of the achievements I had accrued to my name. More important than the impressions I give others is the condition of my heart: am I depending on God and on His Son?

Things aren’t perfect now, and I’m still being transformed inwardly. I’m still on acne medication, and it makes my skin turn dry and my lips chap and swell easily. I occasionally break out in rashes all over my body and arms. There are days when I feel horrible and crumble inwardly in self-defeat.

However, through such days I can also see how God is making me more like Jesus. Using my condition to shape my heart, God shows me my shortcomings and gently realigns me to the standard of His Son.

All this has been one crucial and extreme makeover. God is setting me apart for Christ. He wants to make us clean and willing vessels that He can use to extend His kingdom on earth. He places us in fiery situations, refining us like silver and testing us like gold (Zechariah 13:9).

Let’s not be afraid of God throwing us into His refiner’s fire. He wants the best for us. He is with us through every trial and sovereign in every situation.

Let’s strive towards the goal of having more of Christ in our lives and less of ourselves. And when we are at our wit’s end, that’s when God begins His work in our lives.

This was first published on selah.sg and adapted with permission.