Recognising her inclination to complain, a writer examines the biblical instructions about complaining and explores ways to manage her frustrations.
Eliza Tan
Some say that Singaporeans love to complain, and I’m probably one of those
Some of these have actually resulted in change! After my feedback, my town council, which manages the upkeep of my estate, put up “No Smoking” signs at the void deck. And the office building management announced plans to renew the lifts.
As for venting about the oppressive heat within my social circle—maybe that helped foster some connections with others!
Many would probably agree that their complaints come from a desire for a better environment or behaviour. Can these be termed as “constructive feedback”? Or, do these thoughts and actions suggest I am being ungrateful and discontented? Is it even right to complain?
The Apostles had some strong words for the complainers in church. Paul warned the Corinthian church to guard against discontent, reminding them that some Jews in Moses’ time complained and were destroyed (1 Corinthians 10:10). Their reason for the complaint? Some were displeased with Moses and Aaron, leaders chosen by God, and rose against them, thereby despising God’s authority (Numbers 16).
Even when serving one another, one can be susceptible to a complaining spirit. I can imagine, if a visitor to my home were to make a passing negative comment on the food offered or the cleanliness of the place, I would be murmuring,
But apostle Peter counselled in 1 Peter 4:8–11, to be “faithful stewards of God’s grace” and “offer hospitality to one another without grumbling”. Doing so in love for His people brings praise to God.
Perhaps, ultimately, complaining is a symptom of pride. In his letter, Jude warned his readers of false teachers, who are “grumblers and faultfinders” (Jude 1:16). The Zondervan NIV Bible Commentary highlights that their “critical attitudes and habitual complaining” served to boost their own ego and status among others.
Admittedly, I’m not proud of my “complain queen” status after reading Philippians 2:14. The apostle Paul gave explicit instructions to “do everything without grumbling or arguing”—an extremely high standard if you consider the scope of “everything”!
Yet, Paul himself modelled this, considering the circumstances of his letter to the Philippian church—it is commonly believed that he wrote it when he was receiving death threats (Philippians 1:19–26; 2:17) and was under house arrest (Acts 28:16–31). Instead of complaining, he actually expressed being content in all circumstances through God’s strengthening (Philippians 4:11–13).
According to psychologist Dr. Guy Winch, complaining could be a way to verbalise frustration over a significant gap between an expectation and reality. The hard truth is, the curse of sin has frustrated all creation, which experiences decay and death. While we eagerly expect redemption, in reality, it has been a long, long wait. Creation groans in the waiting (Romans 8:20–22).
We, too, can groan, or lament, voicing our sorrow and grief amid suffering. The psalmists have shown us how to lament well: they mourned the state of things around them and cried out to God, while remembering His sovereignty and unfailing love.
Instead of complaining to man, laments draw us to God. Theologian Timothy Keller said,
“Laments don’t just help you to be emotionally honest; they also bring you to the real God”.
In James 5:8–11, apostle James encouraged us to wait with patience and perseverance, because not only is the Lord full of compassion and mercy, but He is also just. James thus included this exhortation in verse 9: “Don’t grumble against one another, brothers and sisters, or you will be judged. The Judge is standing at the door!”
Maybe James knew a thing or two about resisting the urge to complain about those whom he served alongside! As Bible teacher Douglas Estes explains:
“We are not to complain about others, as God will judge us for doing so.”
Withholding our judgment and complaints against others, displays the patience that God is forming in us.
I caught sight of what I had missed out on because of my complaining spirit, when I witnessed how a Christian friend responded to suffering. After Wendy’s autoimmune disease flared up, she checked herself into the A&E department of a local hospital.
Unfortunately, the hospital was experiencing a bed crunch at that time, and Wendy found herself resting on a bed in the corridor instead of in a proper ward. She decided to make the best of her situation from her special spot.
She counted her blessings: a cooler environment along the corridor than inside the congested ward, lower risk of catching an infection from patients, and even a high-backed armchair available for her own use! She was truly giving thanks in all circumstances (1 Thessalonians 5:18).
Not only that, Wendy struck up conversations with nurses, seeking to understand the joys and sorrows of their job. She displayed self-forgetfulness when she could have made the situation all about her suffering.
I was astonished by her response. I thought to myself,
“If I were in her shoes, I would have been grumbling in my heart over my discomfort, and complaining to God about my lot in life.”
But Wendy didn’t. So, I asked how she was able to stay so positive amid the unpleasant episode.
Her answer:
“Jesus says to us, ‘Come and stand beside Me, shoulder to shoulder, and look at this person, place and situation. What do you see?’”
To tell the truth, I felt both inspired and ashamed hearing that. Inspired, because she taught me how an awareness of Christ’s presence could change one’s perspective. Ashamed, because in contrast, my disposition to complain lacked the spirit of Christ and was so unchristlike. Not only did I fail to stand and see with Him, but I also didn’t recognise His presence in my everyday life.
Perhaps, through his abiding in the Spirit, Paul had also seen his house arrest through different lenses. Although his freedom was curtailed, he could still edify his Jewish and Gentile visitors about Jesus Christ and the kingdom of God (Acts 28:17–24, 30). The soldier guarding him and limiting his movements probably also granted Paul protection; this might have emboldened him to evangelise “with all boldness and without hindrance” (Acts 28:16, 31)!
As I reflect upon Wendy’s attitude and perspective, her response to her circumstances was about living out her identity, as described in Philippians 2:15, as one “blameless and pure, ‘children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.’” By not uttering complaints, Wendy spoke volumes of God’s presence in her life.
I’m still learning how to temper my complaining spirit when my frustration or the urge to voice my dissatisfaction wells up. When the weather gets a little too hot, I try to remember and give thanks that laundry dries faster in the heat. Rain showers that cool the surrounding temperatures also bring me simple joys and remind me to thank God for His mercy.
At the same time, I lament how the escalating temperatures are effects of global warming, because of creation’s decay and man’s damage. And, I pray that Christ will return soon, when "creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God" (Romans 8:21).
As for feedback to improve my environment or the services I receive, I still provide them, though I’m trying to do so with a less critical spirit (I’ve updated the rating of my office building from one star to three).
By shifting my focus from personal dissatisfaction to gratitude and a greater awareness of Christ’s presence, I hope I can reflect my identity in Christ—living out God’s word and shining His light in the world (Philippians 2:15–16).
Although Eliza Tan eats to live rather than lives to eat, she still enjoys her food and wholeheartedly agrees with Ecclesiastes 3:13, "That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God."
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