Caregiving duties for ageing parents is often a thankless and frustrating endeavour. A writer shares how God met her needs through prayers and His people.

Dad was a retired civil servant. In his sixties, he was diagnosed with lymphoma, a cancer that affects the lymphatic system, which is part of the body’s immune system.

Over time, Mum became unable to handle basic housework and cooking. After discussions with my husband, I decided to stop work and take care of my parents full-time.

As an only child, I didn’t have siblings to help me care for Mum and Dad. Since I was also married, it was especially draining to have to maintain two households.

Watching my parents grow frailer, suffer from complex health issues, and require increasingly intensive care took an emotional toll on me. Having a day out was rare, and a vacation was out of the question as my loved ones were depending on me.

To get through the long, difficult days, I held on to the promise from His words: “Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you” (1 Peter 5:7). Turning over my struggles to God in prayer and looking to Him helped me weather the tough times.

Whenever my soul felt weak, fearful, or full of doubt, I brought my burdens to God and held to these words from Jesus: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” (Matthew 11:28-30).

When my mum was diagnosed with stage four colon cancer, no one in my church knew about it as I had stopped attending service for months due to the busyness of caring for my parents.

Mum had to undergo emergency surgery for her colon, which made me feel very unprepared and worried. Right before the surgery, I briefly spoke to Mum to remind her of her salvation, assuring her that God loves her very much and that she would one day be in heaven with Him.

Mum was surprisingly calm amid the chaos. I remembered her whispering to me that God had given her a good life and she could not ask for more. Her words reminded me of Psalm 23:6: “Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life; and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever”.

The surgery went well, and I contemplated asking the leaders in my church to pray for her. But I was busy with so many tasks that I simply couldn’t find the time to connect with anyone in church.

A few days after Mum’s operation, I unexpectedly bumped into my pastor at the hospital. I could not believe my eyes. God had heard my cries for help during the surgery and directed my pastor to the hospital. It had to be a divine appointment for us to have been there at the exact same time.

So I shared with my pastor about Mum’s health condition, and we also talked about her faith. Afterwards, he went to the ward to pray for Mum and, at the same time, reassured her that she would be with Christ forever. I could see that Mum was overjoyed by this reminder of God’s goodness. Knowing that my mum was secure in Christ lifted the weight in my heart.

That same week, another pastor as well as the hospital chaplain also dropped by to pray and encourage my mum.

I learnt that God sends His people in time of dire need. We just need to reach out to Him. As Psalm 121 says: “I lift up my eyes to the mountains – where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth” (vv. 1–2).

With so many things to do—visiting Mum in the hospital, accompanying Dad to his medical appointments, cleaning the house, doing groceries, paying the bills—I had no time for a social life. Friends stopped inviting me out for meals since they knew my plate was full. I also resisted calling them as I was afraid we wouldn’t have much in common to talk about, and that sharing my caregiving woes might bore them as they were young parents with their own issues.

One day, while in the hospital, I bumped into an acquaintance from church who was also there to visit her mum. We ended up having a long chat in the hospital canteen.

It dawned on me that God wants His children to be connected with one another so that we can empathise with, strengthen, and encourage each other. As Galatians 6:2 says: “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfil the law of Christ.”

I tried to stay positive throughout the caregiving journey, but caring for my dad was a lot harder.

Whenever I accompanied him to the doctor’s, he would complain that the waiting time was too long. When the nurses advised him to change his diet, he lashed out at them. Suggestions on how to improve his well-being were often turned down.

His constant complaining and negativity irritated me, and impatient and unkind thoughts often filled my mind.

As I prayed ceaselessly about my struggle with my dad, the Holy Spirit reminded me that God calls us to care for our parents as a way to serve and glorify Him: “Honour your father and mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you” (Exodus 20:12). The Holy Spirit also reminded me to not dwell on how my dad treated us in the past, and on whether or not he was a believer.

Caring for Dad out of obedience to the Lord gave me the strength to be patient and enduring. With prompting from the Holy Spirit, I started holding Dad’s hand whenever I greeted him each morning. After the initial awkwardness, I could tell that he enjoyed the attention, and it made the day easier for the both of us.

Whenever his mood changed and he started getting angry, I would soothe him by gently stroking his arm or knee and talk to him as calmly as possible to understand why he was behaving that way. That usually helped to de-escalate his tantrums.

Seeing Dad’s positive response to these efforts gave me a sense of peace and quiet joy. By God’s grace, I learned to be kinder to Dad and to not keep a list of wrongdoings (1 Corinthians 13:5).

The demands of caring for our ageing parents can be daunting. But when we look beyond the challenges to God who cares for us, we will find caregiving rewarding as it brings us closer to God.

Mildred Ee grew up in a swimming pool and enjoys all kinds of water sports. She loves hiking and dreams of visiting Yellowstone National Park someday. Being in nature makes her happy as she is nourished by God’s beautiful creation and glory. An animal lover, she makes it a point to visit farms in every country she sojourns to.